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Confrontation Experiences? - Incest Survivors' Support

Oct. 18th, 2007

01:28 pm - Confrontation Experiences?

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From:composed_chaos
Date:November 2nd, 2007 10:26 pm (UTC)
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Flist = Friends List, and you can reply wherever. :) Here is fine, there is fine, wherever you happen to be if/when you feel like replying. :)

I've never come even close to doing any 10-step sort of process. Like you, I don't know that I would like to be told exactly which step I should do next. I just kind of jump and land wherever I happen to land. :) I might check out that group, though. Currently I've asked to join _survivors_ but I haven't heard back yet. I like to be in groups that have activity in them... like preferring to talk in a bar where lots of people are talking, rather than in a library where you feel like you need to whisper. :)

My favorite community is called robed_embrace and is the community run by logospilgrim, a very spiritual woman that brings a sense of calm and peace that is incredibly therapeutic. Worth checking out the userinfo pages, at the very least. :)

So your dad is supportive? Does he still interact with your sister? The whole family dynamic for me is very confusing now. Nobody really knows how to support anyone, so they all just try to pretend nothing is wrong. shrug

What type of "research" did your sister do? Is she trying to pull that "false memory" stuff? Nobody has said that to me, thank heavens, or I might go ballistic. No, they just like to pretend that it's nothing serious, yet my mother specifically said she doesn't know what happened, "and doesn't want to know." Yeah, she actually said that. Whatever.
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From:radiant_roasted
Date:November 2nd, 2007 11:04 pm (UTC)
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Wow ... nice mom (not) ... Yeah, my dad is weird--I blame/credit him with finally confronting the "i" issue(generally) and my sister(specifically)...

My parents were divorced from my infancy (which--at least in my mind--explains why/how my sister had so much access to me. With 4 years difference in our ages, and Mom having to work full-time to support us (and her mom not watching us as closely as a parent might) my sister got to play twisted 'little mother' alot ...

I met my dad for the first time when I was 15. He said he knew right then things were bad. He'd suspected it from phone conversations and comments that were made, but when he saw me & my sister together, he knew (although he didn't know about the sexual aspect) that she was abusing & controlling me. But back in the day, there was no such thing as joint custody, and he had zero rights (not to mention he'd never paid child support due to his own problems), so he had to go back to CA and hope for the best ...

The good part is that I was able to leave home under fairy-tale circumstances that same fall: I won a full scholarship to a private/prep school in CT (I was living in OH at the time). From there, I only went home for holidays (yes, I had to relearn how to like them with my husband & kids) ... then I was off to college, and never lived closer than three states away!

The bad part is that (because I was still denying there was anything wrong with my family, let alone between me & my sister) I continued to allow her to abuse me emotionally ... One of the more recent examples was over the weekend when we buried our youngest child ... It was post-9/11, so my elderly, disabled mother didn't feel comfortable flying from OH to TX ... But she desparately wanted someone to represent "our" side of the family, so she paid for my sister (and her daughter) to attend in her place ...

During a breakdown, where I'd ruined a meal (that, under normal circumstances, I could make in my sleep), and my husband was trying to comfort me, my sister said (and I kid you not), "I don't see what the big deal is ... It's not like anybody died." AND, when we both turned to stare (speechless) at her, she continued, "oh, I guess that wasn't a very PC thing to say ... under the circumstances."

She's a piece of work, I tell you ...

And maybe you're right ... maybe she IS trying to claim my memories are false. That my therapist somehow implanted them. But the PTSD incident came first, and a trip back to the therapist (who had already helped me with the loss of first my son, and then, just 15 months later, my mom) came later! No, the memories were always there ... I just kept telling myself they didn't "mean" anything.

That was working pretty well for me, except for the dreams. Horrific, sexual, abusive dreams. They were so bad that I went to our priest and asked if I needed to confess my dream behavior. He responded that no, dreams are just the subconscious' way of taking out the day's trash, and "meant nothing" ... but THAT got me to thinking ... I've had these dreams for as long as I've been dreaming ... What sort of cesspool am I hording down deep in my subconscious that never gets completely "taken out"????? My PTSD incident happened a few months later ... and a part of my brain rejoiced that the trash had finally been picked up for good ... Yup, no dreams since! Pretty definitive, if you ask me.

I might check out those other groups, but I don't know about the time ... I've got three kids in three different schools this year, and I'm usually going in about seven different directions! :-) But, like you, I like places where there's activity (altho I've never been much for physical crowding ... I still need loads of "personal space") ... In fact, I need to leave the computer (it's soooo adddictive some days) and make dinner or my family will starve itself to death ... Except for my oldest, everyone trusts me to make food (at some point) and call it dinner!

Good talking to you!

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